Tonetta

Want to feel simultaneously dirty, ill-at-ease, pathologically amused, all at the same time?

A lesson in how to be serious when describing something ridiculous

Pass Go, Quickly!

[In Monopoly], "if everything went just the right way, with just the right sequence of rolls, Chance and Community Chest cards, and so on, what is the quickest way one player could go bankrupt?"

And there's your answer. 21 seconds.

See a bit more here.

The Mighty Wenis

Once upon a time I thought I'd like to offer a one-stop source for information about the wenis. I snoozed and I lost, because these guys have not only wrapped it up, they're also monetizing it.

I couldn't decide which video to post, so I did both.

If you guessed that this ad was promoting chocolate, you're wrong!

If you guessed that this ad was promoting hair dryers, you're wrong.

If you guessed that this ad was promoting, uh, hm... what else is there?

If you guessed it was promoting bicycles, you need to work for this ad agency.

If you're hanging out, maybe in the forest, and are 21 feet away from a stranger -- possibly armed with a gun -- consider this:

And for what?

The answer is here. (As if you didn't guess already.)

Why didn't I think of this?

Oh yeah, because I'm not a douche.

LINK

In Finland

Worse than Jar-Jar?

Ewok Karaoke from Rob Tyler on Vimeo.

For Those Cold and Lonely Nights

Thank you, Sears.

Buy yours here.

Welcome to the Jetsons!

With a little help from speeding up the tape....

Surf Wars

The top 10 Star Wars surfing crossovers.

How did they ever narrow it down?

Flintstones Fan Fiction

This author is seriously working on hooking Flintstones cartoon fans with this first installment of what is threatened to be a serial story.

Have a yabba dabba doo good time.

Meet the Flintstones

Hello, cutie pie!

Is it too late?

From ThinkGeek

Scarface School Play

It's too good to make up. So it must be real.

Don't ask

And if you really must, go here, but this Flickr collection is.....complete and troubling.

8-bit Jesus

How many apostles can you earn?

Play here.

The game was created by Paolo Pedercini for the Experimental Gameplay game development project. Each month, a group of game designers quickly develops games based on a theme. This game's theme: lasting no more than ten seconds.

#2 with a short bullet

You'd think that if a song was kept out of the top spot in the 1970s by Debby Boone and the Bee Gees that it's a classic. Do you think "Short People" is a classic?

I remember liking it very much when it came out in 1977, when being contrary was becoming an integral part of my personality. I thought the song narrator's nastiness set it apart from other pop hits. (I also liked -- and bought the 45 for -- Ray Stevens' "Shriner's Convention," so don't put too much critical weight behind that contrariness.)

It seems inconceivable now that the song stayed on the charts for 29 weeks and peaked at #2. But I guess it's equally amazing that "You Light Up My Life," which kept Newman from #1, was such a huge hit when viewed retrospectively. It's a hymn, for God's sake!

What have I learned? The Eagles played and sang backup on the song. A bill was introduced in Maryland to ban the playing of the song, but didn't pass. (Is there something about Maryland I don't know?) And the writer thought it "was the worst kind of hit anyone could have. It was like having 'Purple People Eater.' I'd try to watch a ball game and the band would play the song and the announcers would make jokes about it. It was too noisy. I prefer quiet money." Personally, I think that quote is funnier than the song.

If I was a good blogger, I'd post a link to Randy singing it on Youtube, but I can't stand to listen to it more than once.

Spanking Good Coffee

A unicorn for your bicorn needs

Available here

Chariots of Tire

Hey, you got your bicycle in my rollerblades!

Check out the FAQs ("Do they have breaks?") and videos for the "Chariot Skates."

Your eyes won't procrastinate....

Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.

...but your mouse hand just might. As the director mentions, "Sometimes the only way to get something done is to do two dozen other things first."

No title needed

I don't think this really needs further explanation. (But I do wonder how many takes they had to do.)

Paperbacks with an Order of Bling

It's been a long time since Amazon was just about books. Now, however, why bother bumping shoulders with folks grubbing through jewelry counters when you can pick up your precious gems with a mouseclick at your trusted online literature retailer? And if you're wavering on the purchase, you might make sure the vendor offers Free Super-Saver Shipping.



I particularly enjoyed this comment on the 5.25 cttw Amethyst Ring by Effy Collection®, reduced from $1,058,399.00 to a mere $544,299.00. (Click on the image.)

Walk a mile in my mitre

Via the Marginal Revolution blog comes an attempt to "apply social-science reasoning to understand the Church’s choices on numbers and characteristics of saints, gauged by location and socioeconomic attributes of the persons designated as blessed."

I didn't even attempt to figure out the math, but enjoyed the same phrase, in the following quote, that the poster did. "Thus, there is a little evidence that popes experience saint-making fatigue as their tenure in office lengthens."

Boba Fett vas nicht

These ads are run by classesUSA, an "online higher-education portal," according to their website.

They remind me of the HeadOn commercials, which succeed by being annoying or perplexing. Why would moms be seduced back to school by the sight of a scraggly, bearded guy?

This busy bearder has also sold insurance regulation and government refinance relief to homeowners. And thanks to his support of the California auto insurance industry, we know a little bit more about him.

ps: I stole the "more info" thing from here.

pss: a Google search for "bearded guy in ads" returns 2 million+ results